Friday, February 18, 2005
When We Say "No More Late Fees," We Don't Mean We're Actually Going to Stop Charging Late Fees
Video rental giant Blockbuster is being sued by the State of New Jersey over its new "No More Late Fees" policy. NJ claims that the ads are "fraudulent and deceptive," pointing out that anyone returning videos or games after the new one-week grace period is still being charged hefty fines. Why Blockbuster didn't just increase the rental period by one week instead of falsely claiming "no late fees" is anyone's guess. Source
That Dog Should Be Glad He Doesn't Live In Texas
Murphy, an Alaskan malamute-shepherd mix, was saved from doggie death row by a sympathetic Nebraska Supreme Court. Murphy was ordered to be destroyed after he escaped from his fenced-in yard and attacked a neighbor's pet, resulting in a whopping $34 worth of veterinarian bills. The dog is expected to write a tell-all book about his close brush with death at the hands of the Nebraska penal system. Source
Is That an Art Pencil In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Enjoying the Show?
When the Boise City Council passed an ordinance banning total nudity in public unless it has "serious artistic merit," a local strip club found an interesting way to skirt the law. It now holds "Art Club Nights," where customers pay $15 for a sketch pad and a pencil while totally nude dancers act as subject matter. It's not known whether or not lap dances will be considered a form of sculpture. Source
See, the Tsunami Wasn't All Bad
The tsunami that caused so much death and destruction in Asia has actually had some positive effects. The force of the waves removed sand deposits previously covering parts of a lost port city built in the 7th century. Divers have already begun underwater excavations of the ancient city, and Indian archaeologists are hoping for another big tsunami so they can find more cool stuff. Source
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Protest If You Like But For Christ's Sake, Keep Your Pants On
A New Zealand man facing a charge for indecent exposure showed up at the courthouse in the nude as a form of protest. Simon Oosterman was charged during a "Naked Bike Ride" in Auckland on Sunday, an event he organized to protest against vehicle emissions. Surprisingly, a naked man is not the strangest thing ever to be seen at a courthouse--that honor still goes to Michael Jackson. Source
In All Fairness, They Were Really, Really Late
After waiting seven hours for a crew to show up and do some tile work, Florida man Agron Henci was so enraged that he took a shot at their truck. The grouters were supposed to arrive at 9:00am but didn't get to the job site until almost 4:00pm. Henci has been charged with two counts of attempted murder. If he beats the rap, it could spell trouble for thousands of telephone and cable service personnel who show up seven hours late on a daily basis. Source
$300K For a Book That Would End Up In the Bargain Bin Inside of a Month
Book publisher Random House is suing Sean "P Diddy" Combs for $300,000 after he reneged on a promise to write his autobiography. The agreement goes all the way back to 1998, and the work was supposed to be completed by 1999. Combs originally hired a ghost writer to do the actual writing part, but the two had a falling out. Diddy claims that the project is impossible to complete because his life thus far has been absolutely meaningless. Source
Excuse Me, But Is Your Penis Making Music?
A British scientist has devised a new condom that actually plays music based on tiny sensors built into the rubber. The more vigorous the sex, the louder the music. Plans are already in the works for an orgy at the London Philharmonic Orchestra, and the CD will be released later this year. Source
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
This Just Doesn't Make Any Sense
Juan Manuel Alvarez, the man who caused the derailment of a passenger train in Los Angeles that killed 11 passengers, has pleaded not guilty to the murder charges. Alvarez doused himself with gasoline and parked his SUV on the railroad tracks in an effort to kill himself, but decided not to go through with it. Now he's claiming innocence so he can avoid the death penalty. Why Alvarez feels his life is somehow worth saving after killing 11 innocent people is unknown. Source
I Don't Feel Like Doing That Either. Maybe I Should See a Doctor...
How do you know when Michael Jackson is really ill? It's when he doesn't feel quite up to dancing on the roof of a parked car. It happened yesterday, causing a delay in his trial when the singer had to make a trip to the hospital for flu-like symptoms. Friends of the pop singer reported that recently he has looked "as pale as a ghost." Of course, he looks that way every day so it's not sure how they could tell. Source
Funny Thing Is, I Want to Do the Same Thing When the DJ Plays a Kid Rock Song
Kid Rock has been arrested for assaulting a DJ at a Nashville strip club after the man played music Rock disliked. Rock punched the DJ and then fled the scene, supposedly in an attempt to sober up prior to being arrested. He was later taken into police custody at an apartment where he was staying. As he left the Criminal Justice Center, Rock is quoted as saying, "Everything is wonderful. It was a beautiful night." If he gets the maximum penalty of a year in jail, it will have been a beautiful night indeed. Source
The Winning Bidder Must Live In One Hell of a Trailer Park
Two rare 1903 paintings by Cassius Marcellus Coolidge fetched $590,400 at a New York auction. The paintings, "A Bold Bluff" and "Waterloo: Two," are well-known works of art that show dogs playing poker. The auction house estimated that the paintings would only bring in $30,000 to $50,000, but they failed to take into account that these are real paintings done on canvas and not on velvet. Source
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
And the Award For Stupid Asses of the Year Goes to the Dublin Airport Police
Police authorities at Dublin International Airport put a "clamp"--a device that prevents movement--on a vehicle that was parked in a section reserved for emergency crews. The only problem is that the vehicle they clamped was an ambulance! To make matters worse, the police refused to accept the ambulance company's credit card for the $82 fine and the paramedics were forced to use their own money from a nearby ATM. Aside from how anyone could be so stupid, one question comes to mind: if police didn't want vehicles to park there in the first place, why would they use a device that prevents the owner from moving the damn thing? Source
Hey, That Number Sounds Familiar...
If you happen to be at a bar in Detroit and a woman tells you her phone number is 248-262-6861, don't bother to call--she doesn't want to go out with you. The number is for a free telephone service called the Rejection Hotline, and it has proven to be extremely popular. Basically, the caller is insulted and told that he or she has been rejected. In related news, Detroit sucks. Source
Talk About Your Neighbors From Hell!
A German couple rigged up a little surprise for their neighbors: a 20-minute recording of a rooster crowing, broadcast over a loudspeaker and put on a timer to go off between 2 and 4 o'clock in the morning. After setting the wake-up call, the couple promptly left for a vacation. When they received numerous complaints, police entered the house and disconnected the loudspeaker. The pranksters are expected to get a 2:00am ass-kicking upon their return. Source
If Only Contestants From The Apprentice Would Follow Suit
Najai Turpin, a 23-year-old boxer who was a contestant in the soon-to-be-aired reality series The Contender, has committed suicide. The show, which pits two boxers against each other in every episode, features a $1 million bonus for the ultimate winner. Reality show fans are upset by the news, claiming that Turpin's suicide is a "spoiler" since he obviously doesn't win the prize. Source
Monday, February 14, 2005
A Rose Is a Rose Is a Rose Is a Stint In Jail
Those who live in Saudi Arabia face a possible prison term for buying and selling red roses for Valentine's Day. Streets in Riyadh are patrolled by members of the Committee For the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, a religious vigilante group that enforces the purest version of Islam. Under their rules, there are only two religious occasions a year--and Valentine's Day isn't one of them. But the crackdown on red roses isn't the worst part. Rumor has it that anyone caught giving out those little candy hearts will get his pee-pee chopped off. Source
I Think About Doing the Same Thing Every Time I Have to Go Through Customs
Somewhere between his terminal and the customs checkpoint, a 39-year-old Maryland man arriving from Portugal slipped into a janitor's closet at Newark Liberty International Airport and hung himself. The tragedy is made worse by the fact that he missed his connecting flight to Washington. Source
We All Knew the '70s Would Come Back to Haunt Us
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, the duo who found success in the 1970s with a series of drug-related comedies, have announced that they're working on a new movie. This outing is likely to be a bit of a departure from their previous work, since there ain't nothin' funny about a couple of aging stoners. Source
If That's True, What Does It Mean About the Host?
Chris Rock has been tapped to host the upcoming Academy Awards show, but has already created some controversy with his comments. Rock insinuated that only homosexuals would watch the show, saying "What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one! Awards for art are f*cking idiotic." It's possible that Rock will be forced to step down as host, because he broke a major rule in Hollywood: never tell the truth. Source
